The Big Picture
by gods sent angel
Summary: Relena has found out about Heero and Duo's sordid love! Or...has she? 1x2x3x4x5 Oneshot


"Oh fuck, Heero!"

"Gods, you're tight."

"Ah! Gently! Gently!"

"Mmm, yes, there. Ah! Where did you learn to _do_ that?"

"I'm coming! Oh God, I'm co-AH!"

Heero lay on his bed, utterly spent. Duo was passed out in a similar state somewhere in the vicinity of his feet; he didn't want to know how the other pilot got there, either. The blankets lay in shambles around the room, even the fitted bed sheet having managed to evacuate the mattress. He felt the body at his feet roll over onto his legs and then he let out a moan.

"Mm, that was the best sex I've had all month," Duo sighed happily.

"Way to make me feel adequate," Heero grumbled. Despite his efforts, the smiling tugging at his lips managed to find its way into his voice.

"Ooo, poor baby," the braided haired pilot teased. "Now hand me the freakin' blanket before I freeze my sac off, would you?"

Relena panted for air as she stared up at the ransack house before her. The Doctors were cruel to expect any living being to survive in a building like this, let alone five of them all together. Clutching a crumpled and badly abused piece of paper in her fist she tried in vain to make her self presentable before marching up to the hovel where the gundam pilots were currently hiding; or so her information said. Giving it all up as useless, she made her way towards the front door and knocked, waiting patiently for an answer. Gods what she would do for a glass of water right now.

Just as she was beginning to seriously contemplate squeezing water from a patch of dandelions, the from door cracked open to reveal one aqua eye and a tuft of blonde hair. Although there were other faces she would have preferred, any of the pilots was a blessing.

"Quatre," she nearly cried, her voice cracking from dehydration, "Thank God. I was beginning to fear you weren't here."

"How did you…" He trailed off and she could tell he was shaking his head. "Never mind. You sound absolutely parched. Come in." Silently, he said a little prayer of thanks that they had been planning on leaving tonight, anyways.

"Oh, thank you," Relena gushed. As she entered she saw that the house was even smaller on the inside than it looked to be on the outside. With a little breath of amazement she stated her thoughts offhandedly, more to herself than to anyone else.

"My goodness," she breathed. "How can five people _live_ here? There's not even any room to sleep!"

"Oh we take turns with the bed," Quatre replied over his shoulder. "And Wufei refuses to sleep in the same house as Duo, so it's not as crowded as it could be."

Somehow, Relena found none of that comforting. Still looking around the small living room, she gingerly sat down on the edge of the dilapidated couch that looked to be at least one hundred years old and smelled about the same. Quatre returned from the little indent in the wall that served as a kitchen with a styrophome cup full of water. She downed the entire contents almost before she had it in her hands.

"So," Quatre began cheerily, handing her another cup, "what brings you here?"

"Oh," she exclaimed, holding up the crumpled scrap of paper in her hand. "I have to see Heero."

Quatre bit his bottom lip unconsciously. That was all she ever followed them for. He was vaguely afraid of what might be on the scrap of paper, but dismissed it as probably being the safe house's address.

"Heero's not here right now," he offered politely, "But he should be back in a few hours."

"I'll wait, then," the girl smiled happily. Quatre found he couldn't quite be so chipper anymore.

The door opened in the main room and Quatre quickly emerged from the bedroom where ha and Relena had been cleaning. All four of the other gundam pilots were dragging themselves in and out of the night air, but Quatre's smile was mainly aimed at the taller man with freakish bangs.

"Trowa, you're back!" he exclaimed, covering the little distance between them in order to give the weary man a hug. "Did everything go well?"

"Passably," Wufei answered for him. From the bedroom door came another voice which made all of them stiffen momentarily.

"Heero?"

Duo groaned even as Heero's head snapped up to look at the petite girl standing in his – for tonight was _their_ turn at the bed, damnit – bedroom door. Quatre smiled sheepishly and bit his lip gently like he always did when he was nervous or upset. Heero guessed it was both.

"Relena stopped by today," he explained. "She said she needed to see you."

"Obviously," Duo snorted. "When was the last time she said anything different."

"Maxwell," Wufei admonished half-heartedly, "try to be civil. Just once."

"Heero," Relena restated, coming up to stand in front of him, paper still clutched in her hand. "I need to talk to you." She looked nervously at the other pilots before adding, "Alone."

"In case you hadn't noticed," Duo replied snottily, "there _is_ no alone around here. There's not enough room to spit!"

"Duo," this time it was Trowa who reprimanded him. Relena actually seemed to be taking his words into account for once, though.

"Well," she hemmed, "if you don't mind, then I suppose I could speak in front of the others. I don't want to embarrass you, though."

Heero narrowed his eyes at her as Duo's widened in uncertainty and every one else's became a mirror of shock. It was Heero who spoke.

"I think they can handle it," he assured her flatly. Even to the other pilots, it wasn't very reassuring.

"A-alright," she stammered, backing away so they could sit on the couch if they chose to. All five pilots moved past her to occupy the abused piece of furniture, somehow all managing to fit on it and appear comfortable. Wufei and Trowa sat on the couch proper, Trowa sitting on the end and Wufei in the middle. Quatre seated himself on the arm beside Trowa while Duo climbed up to perch on the back of the couch above the one open spot. Heero, who was the last to move, sat there. Trying to remain composed, Relena delicately sat down on the end of the…what she guessed was at one time a coffee table directly across from Heero and began fidgeting with the piece of paper in her hands.

"Well," she began after a second or two of Heero's intense glare, "you see, I went to your last safe house after you had left." She didn't mention she had gone in hopes of finding forgotten Heero-panties. "I…well, I found this." She handed over the paper to him and he took it, though his suspicion was plain for even her to see. Uncrumpling it as best he could he peered down at the now worn picture, for such it was. The other pilots peered over his shoulder to get a look as well.

It wasn't a very outrageous image by any means. It was a candid shot, probably taken by Quatre or Trowa, of Heero and Duo asleep together on a bed. They were curled around each other, if it could even be called that with the random sprawl of hair and limbs sticking out at all angles, and the only thing covering them was a sheet that was sorely failing at its job. It had an almost Yin Yang effect. Duo was, for the most part, hugging one of Heero's legs and…dear gods, was he chewing on his toe?

"Please tell me that's not some hidden fetish of yours," he asked of the braided boy above him. The wild jerking of his braid told him he was shaking his head no.

"The picture made me wonder," Relena butted in, causing everyone to look at her again, "but then the landlord complained of questionable noises and –"

"What kind of questionable noises?" Duo asked quickly.

"Oh," she looked around, as if not willing to say in front of every one, but not seeing a choice. "Um, well, she said there were odd moans coming from the apartment at all hours. Apparently some of the other tenants were complaining about someone screaming in Chinese, too, but I assumed that was probably just Duo and Wufei." If she had been looking at Wufei she might have seen him turning pink, but she was entirely fixated on Heero still. "But most of the complaints were about you watching…" she diverted her eyes before continuing "pornography…very loudly. She said one tenant even quoted someone as saying obscene things like 'you're so tight' and 'I'm going to'….well, I'm sure you know where I'm going with that."

By now, Wufei was beat red and trying not to look at anyone while Trowa stared at his pants and Quatre suddenly found the back of the couch fascinating. The only one who wasn't coloring was Heero, who very well may have been blushing under his tan, but he wasn't giving it away by his actions.

"Well, if you put the two together," she continued hastily. "It more or less adds up to…Heero, are you and Duo lovers?" At this, Duo lost his balance and fell off the back of the couch.

"In a sense," Heero replied.

"Oh… well…well, does that mean you don't…you wouldn't consider anyone else?" It was obvious she meant herself, but by the suddenly feral grin on Heero's usually passive face, she wasn't sure if that's what he meant when he replied.

"No."

"So, I still have a chance, then?"

"No."

"But…if not….what did you mean?"

Heero smiled whistfully and leaned back in his seat a little before replying. "It gets lonely when he's not here," he explained. And then after a slight pause "And sometimes when he is."

"Oh, thanks," Duo grumbled from behind the couch. Heero ignored him.

"We all worked out a little plan, of sorts," he continued. Relena wasn't stupid enough to miss that one, though only because she had finally notice the other pilot's reactions and because Wufei had just jabbed Heero and rebuked him with a warning growl.

"Wait," she stuttered. "You-you mean…you…._all_ of you?"

"Well, the Greeks used to do it," Quatre defended. Trowa nodded.

"It made them fight in tighter formation and more fiercely because their comrade in arms was also their lover," he explained.

Relena looked about to answer before she fell off the coffee table. Judging from the copious amounts of blood coming from her facial area, they assumed she had passed out.

"I wonder if she'll leave you alone now?" Duo asked, crawling back up onto him perch.

"I can't believe the neighbors heard me," Wufei moaned, still aghast that his screams of ecstasy had been a complaint and that Relena had been the one to find out, even if she didn't know what they were.

"Face it," Duo said, patting him on the back, "you're noisy."

"I'm not as bad a Quatre," he quipped. "I distinctly remember every last one of those lines coming from _his_ mouth."

"It's not my fault Heero knows how to give a mind numbing blow job," the petite blonde pouted. "I don't even remember saying any of that."

"Guys," Trowa called out, drawing everyone's attention. "I think Relena is dead."

"I think you're right."

"Hey wasn't there a gravel pit out back we can throw her in?"

"Isn't it a bad thing we just killed our figure head with mental imagery?"

"Shut up and grab a shovel."


End file.
